Happy New Year everyone! Welcome to the first post for the year
2013. Apologies for taking a week and a half or so but know that I’ve been
spending a lot of time searching and collecting so that I can have lots more to
bring you this year. I’ve gotten some nice emails from readers and I thank you
all for continuing to read this little ditty. I’m excited for this upcoming
year as I have so many films to share with you guys so let’s get started. Now
before I begin this review let me assure you that I haven’t abandoned the
“80’s” aspect of this blog as I’m sure those of you who read this regularly
have noticed that this and the previous posting all have to do with films made
since the year 2000. Though I don’t normally spend a lot of time watching more
modern films but every once in a while one manages to peak my interest and I
seek it out, hoping that I won’t be disappointed. Sometime last year Magnet
Releasing starting promoting an independent film called “V/H/S” boasting with
confidence to spare that it would be one heck of a film. There were little
hints about it on Facebook and I was one of the fish that took the bait and
‘liked’ the film’s page. Soon there were little bits released here and there
regarding the directors of the film who included Ti West, one of my current
favorites – and little by little I was becoming more and more intrigued. I’m
going to admit though that the only reason that I had any interest it at all in
this was because it was inadvertently paying homage to every classic horror
fan’s long-gone, favorite and beloved format, the Video Home System. And that’s
the reason why I’m including it here, as we all know – and recall – how much
the VHS format meant (and still does) to an entire generation of devoted horror fans in the 80’s.
I started reading about it and did some research and was a little weary to read that
the film was a collection of found-footage shorts each helmed by different and
current horror director. Now I’m going to stop right here and say that I’m not
a fan of found-footage films at all, period. Since The Last Broadcast and The
Blair Witch Project did it in the late 90’s – both having paid homage
to the 70’s verite shock-fest Cannibal Holocaust, though neither of
the film’s directors will openly admit it – there was a resurgence of the style
within the last ten years with films like the Paranormal Activity and [REC]
series and so on and
the more that these films were made, the less impactful and memorable they
became until ultimately, the entire sub-genre was run into the ground with such
a force that the fire and debris can still be seen from space. I know that’s a
little melodramatic but that’s the best way for me to describe it. Just the mention
of a found-footage film is an instant turn-off to me, just as the torture-porn
sub-genre did years ago. Thank heavens that style has been finally officially
laid to rest.
But there was something about this film that wouldn’t let go of my
interest. There were little contests and promotions on the film’s Facebook
page, everything from ‘create your own V/H/S VHS box’ to comic-style posters
with illustrations based on the stories within the film and not for anything,
but those little gimmicks were strong enough to keep my attention and for that,
I give them props. Then came the news that they would be releasing the film
on-demand on local cable/satellite providers. I’d just seen Piranha
DD in that same fashion so I was really looking forward to seeing this. But I was disappointed to find out after a couple of months of waiting, that DirecTV
was not going to be broadcasting it at all. So I had no choice but to wait for its DVD release,
which meant even more waiting. So this past week, I was finally able to watch it via
streaming on Netfilx. The film is comprised of five found-footage shorts all
tying in with another storyline being recorded in what only I can assume is
real-time about a group of bad-guy thugs who get paid to run amok and cause
chaos – only to later post it online - to be assigned by an anonymous third
party to locate and nab a special videocassette located in a specified house
(This piece/narrative in the film is known as “Tape 56”). They bust their way
inside to find a dead man sitting in a chair, with several television sets in
front of him playing white noise with stacks of unmarked VHS tapes all around.
As the others in the group begin to scour the house, they begin to believe that
someone or something is with them (is it the old man in the living room?). As
this is going on, one of the bad boys stays behind to watch one of the tapes
that has already been inserted into one of the players. The others soon come
back to the main room and find that their friend and cohort has disappeared
(again, could it be the old man?). This narrative here is intertwined with all
five stories until it climaxes at the end with the now-zombiefied old man (see? It was him!)
having decapitated one of the others and the leader finding his remains only to
be attacked and killed by the old man himself, prompting the start of the final
tape.
I’m not really fond of horror anthologies, though honestly a few of them
coming from the 80’s are actually in my collection – The wonderful Deadtime Stories, After Midnight, Twilight Zone:
The Movie, and Tales From the Darkside: The Movie in
particular. So, that was going to be the implied ‘second strike’ for
the film. But, I have to admit that it became something that I wasn’t expecting.
At first, I was going to dissect each and every chapter in the film but it
might result in something too long to sit through as far as reading goes, but
if you all would settle for a quick run-though then I should be able to give it
a good run-down.
Amateur Night – Premise:
Three friends construct a pair of seemingly normal eyeglasses that are, in
fact, home to a small mini-cam in which they rent a hotel room, take on the
town with the goal of bringing back women to the room for sex, all to which
they plan to document for their own ‘score book’ with the goal of turning it
into an amateur porn film. The guys take 2 girls back to their room, one of
them named Lily who screams ‘Creepy’ with a capital ‘C’. One of the girls
passes out on the bed as she’s filmed and as Lily coaxes two of the heavily inebriated boys into a
three-way, she begins to show her true colors. And they are horrifying. Not for anything, but if you
really sit and analyze the storyline this second chapter brings us, it is
completely and utterly preposterous and comes way out of left field, bordering on silly. So then
why were the final five and ½ minutes forever burned into my mind? Because the
execution was splendidly done and it was able to suspend you into disbelief
due to the story being well set up. Everyone’s had that night out at one point. Everyone’s had that moment when you’re about to score in the most fantastic of
ways then ends up not going the way you thought it would. But not everyone has
had the fate that these three poor bastards were dealt. It subliminally incorporates
that old 80’s slasher-film hypothesis that the promiscuous will get what’s
coming to them and that they will get it good. And here, they do. Toss in some
great gore effects, the perfect casting of Hannah Fierman as Lily, and some nice
(but sadly, brief) gratuitous frontal male nudity (Rrrawr!) and you’ve got the
makings of a well-executed not-to-be-soon-forgotten horror gem. Seriously, it was in my mind for days after.
Second Honeymoon – Premise: A married couple, Sam (played
by the unbelievably gorgeous Joe Swanberg. I am forever now a
devoted fan. Seriously, I want to hang out with this guy) and Stephanie take a
trek out West to bask in a second honeymoon. Stephanie takes a camcorder to
record their goings on along the way and as they travel from town to town they rent a hotel room and hit the local
tourist attractions, including a little spot with a heavy Country-Western theme. It is
here where they put some money into a fortune-telling machine inhabited by a
mannequin of an old man dressed in Western wear (think Tom Hanks and the movie Big) to which her fortune is revealed to
be that she will be soon reunited with a ‘loved one’. Could it be the hooded
visitor that came to their hotel room asking Sam for a ride? Could it be that
same hooded visitor that breaks into their hotel room as they sleep later on that night just to video
themselves caressing Stephanie’s body with a switchblade and steal a hundred
bucks out of Sam’s wallet? So when he confronts her the next day about the missing money, the
tension between them overtakes the situation and sends their vacation downhill.
And when the hooded stranger comes back into the room the next night and (shockingly) offs
poor unsuspecting (e.g., sleeping) Sam in a very brutal matter, you suddenly ask
yourself who the hell is this person and
how is it that they’ve gotten into the room? Before you can finish asking the question,
here comes the reveal: The hooded person is actually Stephanie’s lesbian lover
who’s followed them with the mission of offing Sam so they can be together. The ‘twist’ ending here
didn’t provoke the emotions it should have, though. For starters let me say
that I just love Ti West who directed this short. His films The House of the Devil and The Innkeepers are a great example of
how movies in the new millennium can echo everything we loved about horror
films from the 70’s and 80’s and I feel he’s going to become one of the most
respected and beloved horror directors of this generation. But I have to say
that by the way this story was presented, I would have never known this was the segment he’d directed. When
the short ends with Stephanie and her girlfriend fleeing the scene with Stephanie frantically asking 'Did you erase it?', I will be honest and say that I was left with an uncomfortable feeling as it came
to a close due to the issue of how the bi-sexuality of the characters was
addressed. Let’s just say if you know of/understood
the controversy behind 1992’s Basic
Instinct, you’ll know what I’m referring to.
Tuesday the 17th –
Premise: A couple of friends, the absolutely cute Joey (pictured top and right), Wendy, Samantha and “Spider” go down to an
old campsite where some murders took place, all guided by Wendy, who says she was
there to witness the massacre as it happened. When she tells the group the
story of how this killer offed her friends at the same place they’re hiking
through, the others immediately dismiss her theories as madness,. The only
problem is that the killer can only be seen in Wendy's camera as a figure obscured by tracking
errors and we can’t see who he really is. When the entity end up killing Spider and
Samantha, Wendy frantically takes Joey back to the lake to reveal to him that she’s lured them
there to supposedly once and for all get revenge, with the intention of disposing of the killer herself.
Sadly, this is the best part of this segment because as Wendy tries to seduce
the slightly dim-witted Joey, he begins to rub his (hot) half-naked body in awkward
shyness, tugging at his shorts and grabbing at his crotch. All I can say is
that by this time, I’d lost interest in the story and spent the next fifteen minutes
or so rewinding this part a few times. When I’d finally had enough, I pushed
through the rest of the story and watched as Wendy sets up booby traps around the forest in an attempt to ‘kill’
the unseen force – but not after it slashes Joey’s throat – only to be ultimately
killed herself by the same evil force she’s hunting. I didn’t care for this story
very much, if I cared for it any at all. The previous two installments had some
kind of originality and genuine scares to them, yet this one felt way too amateur
to be included in a feature film as this. It felt like it had been put together by a high
school AV club at the last minute and rushed to meet some sort of deadline. I
didn’t feel anything for any of the characters – well, except Joey during that
one sequence where he gropes himself – and I was actually very happy that they all met their demise. I was even
happier when the segment came to a close. I was so unexpectedly put off by this one that I
almost turned the film off altogether, but something told me keep going. I’d
stay clear of this one, though.
Amateur Night – Premise:
Three friends construct a pair of seemingly normal eyeglasses that are, in
fact, home to a small mini-cam in which they rent a hotel room, take on the
town with the goal of bringing back women to the room for sex, all to which
they plan to document for their own ‘score book’ with the goal of turning it
into an amateur porn film. The guys take 2 girls back to their room, one of
them named Lily who screams ‘Creepy’ with a capital ‘C’. One of the girls
passes out on the bed as she’s filmed and as Lily coaxes two of the heavily inebriated boys into a
three-way, she begins to show her true colors. And they are horrifying. Not for anything, but if you
really sit and analyze the storyline this second chapter brings us, it is
completely and utterly preposterous and comes way out of left field, bordering on silly. So then
why were the final five and ½ minutes forever burned into my mind? Because the
execution was splendidly done and it was able to suspend you into disbelief
due to the story being well set up. Everyone’s had that night out at one point. Everyone’s had that moment when you’re about to score in the most fantastic of
ways then ends up not going the way you thought it would. But not everyone has
had the fate that these three poor bastards were dealt. It subliminally incorporates
that old 80’s slasher-film hypothesis that the promiscuous will get what’s
coming to them and that they will get it good. And here, they do. Toss in some
great gore effects, the perfect casting of Hannah Fierman as Lily, and some nice
(but sadly, brief) gratuitous frontal male nudity (Rrrawr!) and you’ve got the
makings of a well-executed not-to-be-soon-forgotten horror gem. Seriously, it was in my mind for days after.
Second Honeymoon – Premise: A married couple, Sam (played
by the unbelievably gorgeous Joe Swanberg. I am forever now a
devoted fan. Seriously, I want to hang out with this guy) and Stephanie take a
trek out West to bask in a second honeymoon. Stephanie takes a camcorder to
record their goings on along the way and as they travel from town to town they rent a hotel room and hit the local
tourist attractions, including a little spot with a heavy Country-Western theme. It is
here where they put some money into a fortune-telling machine inhabited by a
mannequin of an old man dressed in Western wear (think Tom Hanks and the movie Big) to which her fortune is revealed to
be that she will be soon reunited with a ‘loved one’. Could it be the hooded
visitor that came to their hotel room asking Sam for a ride? Could it be that
same hooded visitor that breaks into their hotel room as they sleep later on that night just to video
themselves caressing Stephanie’s body with a switchblade and steal a hundred
bucks out of Sam’s wallet? So when he confronts her the next day about the missing money, the
tension between them overtakes the situation and sends their vacation downhill.
And when the hooded stranger comes back into the room the next night and (shockingly) offs
poor unsuspecting (e.g., sleeping) Sam in a very brutal matter, you suddenly ask
yourself who the hell is this person and
how is it that they’ve gotten into the room? Before you can finish asking the question,
here comes the reveal: The hooded person is actually Stephanie’s lesbian lover
who’s followed them with the mission of offing Sam so they can be together. The ‘twist’ ending here
didn’t provoke the emotions it should have, though. For starters let me say
that I just love Ti West who directed this short. His films The House of the Devil and The Innkeepers are a great example of
how movies in the new millennium can echo everything we loved about horror
films from the 70’s and 80’s and I feel he’s going to become one of the most
respected and beloved horror directors of this generation. But I have to say
that by the way this story was presented, I would have never known this was the segment he’d directed. When
the short ends with Stephanie and her girlfriend fleeing the scene with Stephanie frantically asking 'Did you erase it?', I will be honest and say that I was left with an uncomfortable feeling as it came
to a close due to the issue of how the bi-sexuality of the characters was
addressed. Let’s just say if you know of/understood
the controversy behind 1992’s Basic
Instinct, you’ll know what I’m referring to.
Tuesday the 17th – Premise: A couple of friends, the absolutely cute Joey (pictured top and right), Wendy, Samantha and “Spider” go down to an old campsite where some murders took place, all guided by Wendy, who says she was there to witness the massacre as it happened. When she tells the group the story of how this killer offed her friends at the same place they’re hiking through, the others immediately dismiss her theories as madness,. The only problem is that the killer can only be seen in Wendy's camera as a figure obscured by tracking errors and we can’t see who he really is. When the entity end up killing Spider and Samantha, Wendy frantically takes Joey back to the lake to reveal to him that she’s lured them there to supposedly once and for all get revenge, with the intention of disposing of the killer herself. Sadly, this is the best part of this segment because as Wendy tries to seduce the slightly dim-witted Joey, he begins to rub his (hot) half-naked body in awkward shyness, tugging at his shorts and grabbing at his crotch. All I can say is that by this time, I’d lost interest in the story and spent the next fifteen minutes or so rewinding this part a few times. When I’d finally had enough, I pushed through the rest of the story and watched as Wendy sets up booby traps around the forest in an attempt to ‘kill’ the unseen force – but not after it slashes Joey’s throat – only to be ultimately killed herself by the same evil force she’s hunting. I didn’t care for this story very much, if I cared for it any at all. The previous two installments had some kind of originality and genuine scares to them, yet this one felt way too amateur to be included in a feature film as this. It felt like it had been put together by a high school AV club at the last minute and rushed to meet some sort of deadline. I didn’t feel anything for any of the characters – well, except Joey during that one sequence where he gropes himself – and I was actually very happy that they all met their demise. I was even happier when the segment came to a close. I was so unexpectedly put off by this one that I almost turned the film off altogether, but something told me keep going. I’d stay clear of this one, though.
The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger – Premise:
We are watching a Skype conversation between a woman named Emily and
her boyfriend James, who is a doctor-to-be. They are talking back and forth
about an accident that happened to her when she was a little girl, and that weird things
are happening to her in her apartment. She mentions to him that she has some
kind of growth in her arm and concerned about it, she takes to it with a scalpel, trying to remove
it herself with grisly results. James reprimands her as she now believes her apartment is haunted. The
next few minutes are some of the most confusing and bizarre sequences I’ve
probably ever sat in front of. Something about aliens impregnating women and James
being a cohort and Emily being a host for alien impregnation. I don’t know, It
was so completely painful that I almost shut the movie off, but something again
told me to hold on. Granted, the actor playing James was really good looking
and we got to see him with his shirt off for a while, but that wasn’t enough
for me to keep any sort of interest, which was slowly now beginning to frustrate me
as this and the previous story had faltered to keep up the originality and dynamic of the
stories that preceded it. It was confusing enough to the point where once
the film had ended, I had to go to the Wikipedia link online for the film to read and
understand just what it was that I’d sat through. This installment ends with
James diagnosing Emily with schizophrenia and hooking up with a different girl
via the same type of video-chat whom the aliens have chosen as a new host and who are now doing experiments on. The
worst part of this was to read that this had been directed by Joe Swanberg, the
same guy who played Sam in the “Second Honeymoon” short. Yikes.
One of the things I feel needs to be said about the film, and it’s
actually something that should be duly noted, is that a film of this nature
should have failed miserably regarding content and execution. But, it doesn’t.
It absolutely works. I was actually very impressed when the credits rolled and
was very satisfied with the overall presentation of the material. Of course, I’m
going to stick to my guns when I say that with the omission of “Tuesday the 17th”
and the alien story, the film would be close to perfect. Granted that the
running time on the film is nearly two hours, cutting those two stories would
bring the overall film to more of a standard and more viewer-friendly running
time. There are a lot of unknowns in the cast and that’s another factor that
makes the overall anthology work as a whole. Even though two of the stories
weren’t to my liking, I do have to say that all of the directors did a good
job. The only note that I have regarding the technical aspects of the film were
the slight over-usage of the “video effects” that both connected the stores and that were
present during most of the shorts did get a little cumbersome as they were
presented here as part 'main part of the cast' instead of just using them sparingly. The homage
to the Video Home System itself was noted throughout the film, especially
during the narrative segments and it was great to see VCR’s lined up
everywhere. I think it’s a travesty that VHS was phased out during the start of
the new century. It’s great to see that there are other people in the world
besides myself – especially people in the film industry – that still appreciate
the format and are determined to keep its memory and legacy alive. I was
reading an article online as I’m writing this that there is going to be a
sequel, V/H/S 2 or better yet, S-VHS. On the sole merit of this film
being what it was, I’m going to give the next collection in the series a
chance. If I would have seen this just a few months sooner, V/H/S would have been included in my
entry for the best of the 21st century so far. This is one not to be
missed. Good job, Magnet!
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