Linus Meets Danny Trejo! 11/12/13

So I know I haven’t written in this thing in a while, but today I have good reason to. This post actually should have been put up several days ago when it happened, but I’ve been so busy that this is the first time I’ve actually had a free moment.

So, if you’ve read the headline for this post you’ve figured out that I had the pleasure of meeting Danny Trejo this past week. What’s funny, though, is how random the meeting was and honestly, that was the best part. So here’s now my Tuesday night went:

I came into work as normal and was going about my business when a small group of gentleman came in from the outside convention center doors. As I was talking on the phone with a guest staying at the hotel, I noticed from afar there was a gentleman that had walked in and approached the little candy dish that’s located at the front desk. I don’t admit this to many, but I’m farsighted so he appeared to look like just another man in his late fifties to early sixties. As I stayed focused on him, I noticed his features more and more and before I knew it, my brain was telling me, Damn, this guy looks just like Danny Trejo. I guess I wasn’t really at my sharpest that afternoon because for a few moments I was staring at him in a daze telling myself over and over again how much this guy looked like Machete himself until my lazy eyes finally looked up at the cap he was wearing and how in plain bright crimson the words Machete Kills were emblazoned across it. It was Danny Trejo! What the bloody hell was he doing in Visalia?

So I walked over to him and immediately, he flashed me a smile. Nervously, I asked him if he was Mr. Trejo himself and he laughed and confirmed his identity. He offered me his hand and shook it enthusiastically and I was instantly star struck. I, of course, gushed and confessed to how big of a fan I was of him (I mean who isn’t?) but more so of how random it all was. He then proceeded to tell me about having to get ready for an event he was attending next door in the convention center but that he would be happy to come back and talk to me and take pictures with me before the event. I was ecstatic. So what does Linus do? I immediately went online and managed to find a replica of the poster for Machete and printed three out (one for me, for my best friend, and one for my co-worker) in hopes that he would be kind enough to sign them.

So a few hours pass and soon enough, Danny emerged from the elevator all dressed in a black suit and donning cool silver jewelry and came to the desk as he’d promised. We carried on a short conversation about his movies and how big of a fan I am of his (I even made him laugh when he asked me what my favorite film with him in it is and I answered Blood In, Blood Out). I then asked him if he could sign the Machete posters I’d printed out and not only did he say ‘yes’, he signed them with a flourish and said to me, “There’s nothing I love more than obliging a true horror fan.” which absolutely thrilled me. He stayed a while with me at the desk and had a small quick conversation before he went off to speak at the Tulare Country Drug Court graduation ceremony where he was honored with a stainless steel machete adorned with the film’s logo and his name for his involvement with the organization.

I was told that the next morning he posed for pictures with some of the restaurant and hotel staff which does say a lot about celebrities of his caliber as some of the ones I’ve encountered during my lengthy hotel career didn’t have the decency to even give me the time of day. But it was in the stars as it worked out and now I have the privilege of having a replica of the one-sheet for Machete with Danny’s signature and a photo with him adorning my office, right next to the likes of John Saxon, Felissa Rose and Ari Lehman. Thank you, Danny, for recognizing your fans and treating them like real people and reminding us why we are dedicated horror fans. Fantastic!

The Killing Hour (The Clairvoyant) (1982)

I recently spoke to – well, actually ‘instant messaged’ – a fan of this here bloggo who was telling me how much he loved to read what I had to say. As flattered as I was by that much-welcomed compliment, what intrigued me was how the only complaint that he had was that I don’t update it enough. Though he admitted the prior was a selfish statement, he was absolutely right. And though I have admitted here on occasion that I don’t have the time to devote myself to this little piece of handiwork as much as I’d like to, one of the real reasons I don’t – or in this particular statement, can’t – update it as much as I’d like to is because with the monstrosity of a collection I have, there are many a night when I want to stay up and write but have the bloody hardest time choosing which film to review next. Should I go for a classic? Or should I try and maybe take a shot and review something a little modern? I can’t tell you how many times I will sit in front of my shelves and cases of endless slasher booty and just spend hours – literally – trying to decide which one to sit in front of next? There are many of those nights where I get so frustrated that I just give up and go to bed, telling myself, we’ll try this again tomorrow. Yeah, right.

Now that I’ve cleared that up, I’d like to take a quick moment and say ‘thank you’ to all of you that have taken time to read this little ditty. Within the last few months, my hit count has skyrocketed into the atmosphere and I know that it’s because of you all that it’s been possible. You guys send me the greatest emails and messages telling me how much you enjoy reading LL80’sH so for that, again, I extend my gratitude. It’s great to see that there are people out there not only reading what I have to say, but both relating to it and enjoying it. Mil Gracias! And I do have to pause and say thank you to Jay Rinella and John Gibben for hooking me up. You guys rock.

I did not know anything regarding The Killing Hour until about a year ago when I was doing some research online about the giallo genre and came across it in another horror blog. I had seen the cover to the DVD before at the San Jose Rasputin’s but never bothered to pick it up. I did a little bit of reading on this one and decided that I would seek it out, as everyone knows I love a good thriller. I also read that it was very minimal on gore which piqued my interest even more as some of the best fright films out there have little to no gore at all. They rely on set pieces, atmosphere, mood, and character development. Most of all, they rely on a good story and this one fits that bill like a glove.

The film opens up with an art class in session. An unseen student is sketching a nude model on her pad as police pull a handcuffed body of a dead woman out of a lake. Suddenly, student’s hand begins to sketch on its own and reveals a drawing of the same cuffed hands. The art student is beautiful Verna Nightbourne (Elizabeth Kemp) who has a special gift of seeing things and sketching them as they’re happening somewhere else. We then cut to the interior of a gymnasium’s swimming pool and watch rather voyeuristically as a man is frightened by having the lights in the building shut off as he is doing his laps. He calls out into the darkened room and is immediately taken underwater by an unseen assailant who handcuffs his ankle to the ladder under the surface, trapping him there. The slayings continue, with the third victim having been electrocuted while working in a manhole next to a local diner.  With the modus operandi being exactly the same in each murder, the police force, albeit with not much evidence to go on, begin to investigate.  The case is being led by officer Larry Weeks (Norman Parker) who has a penchant for stand-up comedy and impersonations of classic comedians.  For fear that the murder spree will turn into an uncontrollable media circus, the chief forbids any sort of communication with the media. But not before local talk show host Mac McCormack (the always unbelievably gorgeous Perry King), who just happens to be a personal friend of Weeks’, approaches him in the hope of getting the ‘inside scoop’ on the case. They make a deal: In exchange for information on the investigation, Mac will attempt to bring Week’s comedic talents to the TV network he’s employed by. Having obviously disobeyed a direct order from the Chief, he agrees to give Mac inside information on the now-dubbed “Handcuff Killer”.

Verna, convinced that she is able to see and draw the murders in this case as they are happening, is convicted to go to the police and aid them in their search for the killer. She presents them her sketches and they begin to analyze them in hopes of somehow using them to piece everything together. Weeks begins to date her, as does Mac and she soon becomes a part of both their lives. The only setback is that Mac wants her to appear on his television show to show the public what she can do and how closely it’s connected to all of the murders. This is not part of the deal that Weeks had intended and threatens to cut him off from any and all information regarding the investigation if she appears on his show. She agrees to appear just as a third victim is murdered, being handcuffed to the bottom of a freight elevator shaft and killed. The victim appears close to the beginning of the film in a hotel room with the likes of a Latino thug named Willie who actually becomes a very red herring at this point. Because it doesn’t make sense how – and why – he would be the one responsible for the murders. The police’s question now is, if a handcuffed woman was pulled out of the lake, why are all these victims of the same style of murder all men? We begin to wonder now if any – or all – of the victims had a connection to the woman from the lake. Who was she? And why is it that Verna can see – and draw – the murders as they are happen?

One day as Mac is returning to his apartment, he is attacked by Willie and beaten to the ground. When Mac’s housekeeper comes in and interrupts the altercation, Willie flees the scene and leaves a set of handcuffs behind. Mac immediately showcases them on his show and tells the police that he could very well have the identity of the Handcuff Killer. The police begin a manhunt for Willie and find him in his apartment and gun him down, thinking he’s the culprit. But, he isn’t. Well, at one point he very well could be because once Verna does appear on the show and draws the shape of a hand grabbing hold of a steering wheel, we see that someone assaults a friend of hers at the exact time she draws it and ties her up in her own car as she is going home from work and has her car tossed over a body of water. The film never really says who killed her but the only other person it could have been was Willie. Maybe because she was starting to ask so many questions about Verna’s drawings, was he afraid she would go to the police?  

I’m going to admit here that though the story as intriguing as it is, it’s very slow paced. If you’re expecting any kind of action or tension of any kind, you’re not going to find it right away. One of the reasons that I sought this film out is because it was recommended to me by a friend who claimed it was a ‘American-made giallo’ and that I would instantly fall in love with it. I hate to tell that friend that he was wrong…well, at least for the first half of the film. I will have to agree with him though that if this film had been made in Italy with Italian actors, it would be a giallo right on track with films such as Short Night of Glass Dolls and Who Saw Her Die? It concentrates on character development and story and if you’re not the type of person who can tolerate a slow-moving movie, you’re going to be very disappointed here. The murders aren’t gory. They are more implicit than explicit. But, one thing I will tell you is that if you love thrillers of any sort, don’t make the mistake I almost made and turn the film off! (I will confess that at about the hour mark, I was ready to turn it call it quits. Not so much because it’s very slow paced but because I’d decided to sit in front it during the late night hours and couldn’t keep my eyes open for much longer – and even Mr. King with his piercing eyes and fantastic body was somehow managing to lose my attention.) This is one of those films that you have to really sit in front of without any sort of distraction and one to definitely not watch in pieces. You have to pay attention to what’s going on in order for everything to make sense. Director Armand Mastroianni does a good job here of setting up the plot and silently begs you to just sit back and give the movie a chance. It’s not going to disappoint you. This is one of those films in which you have to be patient and wait for the goods to make themselves known.

So one night, Verna decides to have a glass of wine at Mac’s house and show her the latest picture that she’s drawn. It’s a drawing of all the victims so far and he begins to push her to draw her next one, but she can’t. With everything that’s been going on, she doesn’t have the mental energy to push through and draw and flees to the bedroom. It is here where the entire film begins its unexpected and amazing rush: Mac picks up the drawing while enjoying a glass of wine and begins to stare at the objects that she’s drawn. As he does, the police are looking at the other drawings that Verna has given them. They have been able to connect the sketches together to correspond with each of the victims. But there is one drawing that they can’t decipher. What is it? Is it a drawing of the inside teeth of one of the handcuffs? One of the detectives takes another look at it and suggests that it also looks like the inside of a crab’s claw. And when the scene immediately reverts back to Mac’s apartment to reveal Verna lying on his bed…next to a crystal sculpture of a crab’s claws on the nightstand…the film takes an amazing turn. We see Mac in the living room holding the sketch and we are immediately taken to a particularly disturbing flashback scene of a black-haired woman being handcuffed and tied to a bed in a random hotel room. She is obviously a hooker and she is surrounded by three burly men who are preparing lines of cocaine with the intention of gang-banging her silly. Her feet are being bound to the bed and as one of them unzips his fly and takes his pants off, inching to the bed and taking her head in his hands to bring her in close, I suddenly realize that the men are all the victims that were killed by the Handcuff Killer! And I seriously instantly emit a loud scream of shock when I see that the fourth man who slowly lies down on top of her and rapes her brutally as he kills her while the others watch is none other than Mac himself! What the f—k?!

Everything suddenly made sense. The woman found in the lake was the hooker whose body they’d disposed of in hopes that nobody would find out. Mac hired Willie to take out the other three either to throw the cops off or in case there was any chance of them going to the police. And once news had reached Mac that the other’s had been killed, he approached Weeks to get the inside scoop so he could know exactly what was going on, hoping that maybe Willie would take the fall for him. He’d asked Verna to come on the show out of his own disbelief that she would have known anything about the murders as they were happening and the more he got to know her, the more terrified he’d become that she was telling the truth! That’s was why he’d asked her to his home…to see exactly what she was going to draw next. He was afraid that she was about to figure the whole thing out! In pure shock, he squeezes and breaks the wine glass, spilling it all over the sketch.

At that moment, she realizes that she is next and flees to the bathroom as he comes after her. She hides in the shower after fooling him that she’d gone out the window and when he steps outside, she closes the window and makes a break for the outside hall of the apartment building. Mac sees her from the outside hall window and breaks it, sending her down up the stairs to the roof where he finds her and proceeds to kill her once and for all. Finally, dramatic and suspenseful tension! Just as we think she’s a goner, here comes Weeks to her rescue.  The two men wrestle it out and Mac ends up hanging over the edge of the tall apartment building, being held onto by Weeks. Knowing what he’s done and knowing that now there was no escape from death, Mac whispers softly. “Let me go” and Weeks reluctantly grants his wish as he watches him fall to the pavement. Nice!

The film ended up being much more entertaining than I had expected. You really had to follow the film and have patience with it and that’s one I need to stress about this film: Have patience! Not many casual movie watchers would be able to forgive the extent of its slow pace but it pays off in the final twenty minutes of the film. If you’re a giallo fan, such as myself, you will actually see many elements of the giallo genre in this film, right down to red herring(s), the use of black gloves, the obligatory twist reveal that it was one of the main characters the whole time, the altercation between the good guy and the bad guy, and lack of denouement. It’s too bad that this one is as underrated and overlooked as it is.

The DVD I have from Blue Underground is fantastic – as all the discs from BU are. The picture was clear, the sound was great and it had the original trailer. But, as I did research for this one, I read somewhere that the original VHS and subsequent DVD releases – even the original issue by Anchor Bay – had many scenes missing. This release has all the deleted scenes intact, most of them are extended pre-murder sequences that, in my opinion, explain more regarding the behavior and minds of the victims. Those missing minutes actually are quite essential as they would have given the story just a little more kick. I would love to see a special edition one day that has all the missing scenes put in with the rest of the film, just as it was done with My Bloody Valentine and Silent Night, Deadly Night. Maybe BU will give us a re-release. I’ve only seen this film on the store shelves once so I’m not sure if the BU version is already out of print – as I would only assume the AB version is already el-kaput. Before I went out and bought it, I was able to rent it off Netflix so if you’re the least bit interested, try to pick up there and take a look for yourself. It’s not going to be one of the best movies you will ever see, but it is definitely worth one viewing. Especially for the last twenty minutes where everything just comes together. (Pause) Well, okay…for the chance to see Perry King at the height of his 80’s heartthrob heyday. If you’re into that sort of thing (wink). 

The Scorpion With Two Tails (1982)

In mid-2004, there was a curiosity sparked inside of me when I first laid eyes on the Mario Bava film, Shock. I won’t go into the details about that film since more than likely I will be reviewing it within the next few weeks but it began my venture into the foray of Italian murder-mysteries and the genre of said films known across the world as giallo. Though the only Italian horror film I’d seen up to that time had been Suspiria, but my recent viewings at that time of Bay of Blood and there aforementioned Shock had really tickled my fancy. Since then, I’ve not only sat through a countless number of them but have been able to snag a whole bunch of them and add them to my collection. There is something about this style of film that not only captivated my attention with their brazen outrageousness but also got me hooked. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent in front of the computer researching, doing my homework and trying to see how many of these films I can watch  and soon I was getting my hands on so many of them that I couldn’t keep up. Before I knew it I was looking at a plethora of films by Argento, Fulci, Bava (both of them), Martino, Deodato, Lenzi and my fondness for these kinds of Euro-trash quickly became my second favorite style of film – next to the slasher film, of course. 

This entry, though, was one of those films that spent months on the shelf in my office before I decided to finally pick it up and give it a watch yesterday. For starters, let me say that I will watch any film with the always-wonderful John Saxon at least once. For years, I’ve been a huge fan of his and have almost every horror flick he’s been in. Those rugged looks, those piercing eyes – he’s got to be one of the most dashing and handsome men on the B-movie circuit.  So you know that when I read his name in the cast listing it was immediately placed into my Netfilx queue at the top of the list. Then when I read it had been directed by Sergio Martino – whose Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key had already spent months dormant in my collection, as well – I knew that I was going to have a good time. Several weeks before sitting down to watch this, though, I’d gone online and read other people’s opinions about this one and was surprised – and a little saddened - at just how many bad reviews it had gotten. I was thoroughly disappointed to read that a film with a catchy title as The Scorpion with Two Tails (as opposed to its alternate title Murder in an Etruscan Cemetery) could be at all bad. But, I proceeded with caution. I mean, let’s face it, we’ve all seen worse. (Hellgate, anyone?)

The film opens up with a bizarre sequence with a woman named Joan (the gorgeous Elivire Audray) having nightmares about a ritual in an underground grotto with a young couple having their necks broken and then being sacrificed. Her husband (John Saxon) is on the other side of the world on an archaeological excursion who seems to have discovered an ancient Etruscan tomb when while away, is murdered by an unknown assailant in the same manner she’s seen in her dreams. She goes to Italy to try and find out just what happened and why she knew exactly what her husband had stumbled upon if she’d never been to Italy. Accompanied by her friend and confidant Mike (Paolo Malco, known for The New York Ripper and House by the Cemetery), Joan tries to put all the puzzle pieces together beginning with why everything she was encountering in real life had already been seen in dreams while dealing with a drug deal gone wrong that she never would have expected involving both her deceased husband, countess Maria (played by the fantastically gorgeous Marilu Tolo) and her father.

While in Italy, Joan finds out that her husband had found an important artifact while in the grotto that was meant for her: A necklace of a scorpion with two tails that was being kept in the care of a local jeweler. Why does this look familiar to her? It seems that while down in the tomb her husband had discovered he came across it, and along with other archaeologists, she realizes that the photo of a subject found on the walls looks exactly like her. And she’s wearing a necklace with a scorpion with two tails that looks exactly like the one her husband had found and left to her. Why does she look like the woman painted on the wall? Who is she and could she be connected to all the dreams she’s been having? And why does a lot of the music in this film sound familiar? Maybe I’ve heard it in The Beyond? Or was it The Gates of Hell?

What ensues is not so much a giallo as I was expecting it to be but more a thriller. I do have to warn you though that the story’s pacing is quite slow and some of the plot devices are not only outlandish and absurd but render some portions of the film completely incomprehensible (including a revelation at the film’s close that never would have worked in the real life and makes you burst out in obnoxious laughter). There are countless scenes involving statues and maggots galore and plenty of moments with Joan screaming for – what appears to be - pure show. With that said, it still managed to keep my attention somehow.

The photography, on the other hand, was excellent. The Italian countryside is bursting with rich colors and wonderful greens and yellows. One reason I love these foreign films is that the cinematographers always photograph their surroundings with precision and care. There’s nothing I love more than to watch these movies and get a glimpse of what life was like during those time periods. I get to see buildings and cities and country sides and beaches all caught with precision and beauty and preserved for me to see anytime I want to.

Mya Communications did a great job with this disc, visually. I don’t own many of their titles but what I do have in my collection is great. This disc, though, is probably the best one I have. The opening DVD menus are absolutely gorgeous and crisp and I liked how there was a soft fadeout after every selection. There isn’t much as far as bonus features are concerned, though, just the trailer, poster gallery, and alternate opening sequence with the alternate title (looking like someone did the titles with an old Tandy computer) but I did like the juxtaposition of the bloody hands on the menu screen against soft Italio-Muzak. There’s something about that combination – and it’s a combination used in many Italian thrillers – that I really dig. I’m not going to say to hunt this one down because I’d be leading you on. I think it’s worth a look if you like these kinds of films. It’s not as bad as many reviews I’ve read claim it to be, but I have to be honest and say that it isn’t stellar. I’ve only seen three or four of Martino’s works and I can tell you that this is the weakest one so far. But, just because it’s weak doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve at least one watch. One of my rules as a horror watcher – and reviewer – that I live by is that you can’t bank a film solely on what someone else says about it. There are so many palettes and tastes that lie within horror fandom that relying on just one person’s opinion would be unfair not only to the film itself, but to yourself as the viewer. How do you know if you will like a film if you don’t sit in front of it? One of the risks you take being an avid horror fan is that some films are going to rock your world and other’s will not. I always say that for every fantastic horror film you watch, there will be three or four that you’ll see that will genuinely suck. That’s just the way it is. And I’m talking about the film sucking in a bad way, where there is nothing in it that will redeem itself. (Hellgate, anyone?)

The film’s closing act is so absurd that you have to force yourself to believe it, and I mean absurd to the point of hysterical laughter. As I said earlier, it would never work in the real world and suspension of disbelief gives you no choice but to smile and nod your head, albeit unkindly. You have to give the writers and producers credit for their attempted creativity because the combinations of plot points and storyline don’t spell “blockbuster” in any way shape or form. But then again what film such as this one would? Yes, it was missing creativity in the aspect of murder sequences – everyone pretty much dies in the same manner – but it still wasn’t enough for me to turn off the DVD player. The red herrings here weren’t crimson enough to confuse or deter and when the killer finally reveals himself, you’re really inclined to scream out a half-assed “huh?!” than an enthusiastic “what?!” because the shock that it tries to set itself up for fails to deliver - hard. The denouement leaves a lot to be desired and the outcome leaves you asking how it could have been possible to end that way if there wasn’t enough development between the two characters in question for those results to have materialized? Seriously, it’s pretty far-fetched but (in my best Italian voice) Whaduya gonna do?.

I’m not going to lie when I say I won’t see this one again because I probably will – hello, John Saxon’s in it. The locales and the absurdity of some of the plot points and other goings on are reason to claim it as bona fide entertainment. This one of those kinds of films you’d put on after a Friday night after work to end the long work week when all your plans to go out have fallen through, you’re too tired and lazy to make dinner and order in a pizza and there’s nothing else left to watch on television.   

Hide and Go Shriek (1988)

The end of the eighties brought the downward spiral of the slasher film.

There were alot of factors that contributed to this: Maybe many of the low budget studios that were churning these out were finally seeing that their fruits were no longer profitable? Maybe there was a growing lack of un-interest in these types of films and studios didn't see the need to give out out hordes of cash to have less-than-Hollywood movie makers churn these out by the dozen? I have always wanted to know what really caused the fall of the slasher film by the time the greatest decade in history came to a close. But, if you paid any attention, some films were made at the end of this golden era that surpassed many of its predecessors in both style and content.

I'm walking through the isles of the H-E-B grocery store on Old Highway 83 in Weslaco, Texas. It's a hot Saturday during the summer of 1989 and I'm heading to the front of the store to where the videos were all lined up nicely in a attempt to get away from my parents for a while. The Dream Academy's "Life In A Northern Town" is playing above me on the muzak and I'm walking like I'm a big 'ol badass just because I'm sporting a pair of hand-me-down British Knights. You know what's even funnier? I can hear you, the reader, laughing to yourself as you read that last sentence. Not because you're laughing at me, but because you probably did the exact same thing back then. At any rate, this particular store introduced me to slasher favorites Sleepaway Camp, Terror Vision and The Last House on the Left. But the box on the left (in VHS form, mind you) brings back the fondest memories of that store.

I remember picking it up and being fascinated by the film's clever title. That's one thing that - sadly - I'm a sucker for. A clever title, a warning that the footage contained in the video you're distributing is "too shocking for theatrical release" and you've pretty much have got me sold. About a year or two later, this film disappeared off the shelf of this store and then, the store disappeared altogether in favor of a much larger store with a larger video rental area that was propped on the other side of the city. Sadly, I don't remember seeing this title again until 1999, when a Brownsville, Texas mom and pop video rental that still charged for memberships had this on its horror roster. One night, my then significant other and I were browsing the shelves and I picked this one up, eager for him to take it home for me. He instantly shot me down, stating that my love for eighties horror was "childish and unbecoming of me" and that was that: The movie was going to be left there on the shelf just as I'd found it. Not that it really mattered, but I had this feeling that I was never going to see this particular title in print ever again. And I didn't see it again, until 2006 when I snagged a copy up on ebay and finally added it to my collection. I 'oohed' and 'ahhed' when I finally held it in my hands again and unless you are like myself, a die hard slasher buff with fond memories of the days of the mom and pop video store, you wouldn't even to begin to understand my happiness as I popped it into the my third of six Videocassette Recorders that I own and sat back to watch. After years of waiting, this was the night.

Before I begin with the film's actual review, let me say that when you boast on your cover that you are similar to Friday the 13th and Halloween, you're really not setting your viewers up for much. Well, it's not fair that you're tell your viewers exactly what to expect. If you are a non-horror fan, or at least not a fan enough to seek out slasher obscurities such as this, you would pretty much, without even thinking about it, instantly classify the film as another run-of-the-mill slasher. I mean everyone has seen Friday the 13th and Halloween so why would your little film be any different than those two blockbusters and definers of the genre in those days? But I digress. The film opens up with a group of teens who have just graduated from high school and who are going to celebrate their new-found freedom in the annals of a furniture store belonging to the parents of John Robbins, the obvious jock and leader of the group. As they sneak in and the store closes, all hell begins to break loose as the kids are picked off one by one by an unseen killer. Seriously, this is pretty much Friday the 13th in a furniture store. But, don't dismiss the film just yet.

The film oozes eighties charm from the very beginning. The clothes, the hairstyles, the way the kids interact with each other - the music. It's wonderful in its own right and not to sound cheesy, but it reminds me of when I was a kid and when times were just much more simpler. While on the surface the film seems to appear just like the rest of them - which in reality, it is with a few exceptions - you've got to take the whole "furniture store" bit into consideration. Since this film, there has never been another horror film set in a furniture store so just for that, the film gets an instant twenty points. The (obvious) lackluster gore that could have made the film that much better is compensated with some genuine moments of suspense and terror that you don't find in many movies of that time period. The mood is sometimes very claustrophobic (the scene in the bathroom!!) and very tense in some parts and that's what makes this one stand out. If you just shut up and give the film a chance, you will end up liking it and wonder why it didn't have much more of a following back then. All the actors are "eye candy" (especially extreme hottie Sean Kanan) and they're presented to us as a group of honest kids who were just trying to have some fun and do nobody harm.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, let us discuss the film's extremely bizarre and even more unexpected plot twist:

Shit, even I didn't see that train wreck coming.

I won't give it away but I will go on record that this is one of the most bizarre and out-of-left-field endings I've ever seen. Four Words: Gay Romance Gone Bad. That's all I will say. I sat there with my mouth agape, jaw almost hitting the floor at the weirdness of how the whole plot took the exit off the highway and didn't bother to come back. It was about as strange as the ending of Sleepaway Camp minus the nudity, of course. As strange as this "revelation" is at the film's close, it gave the film a trademark of its own, which is something that 80's films were all about at one point: Who could give the audience something they'd never seen before and let me tell you, even I as a horror aficionado would have never expected what transpired during the last ten minutes. And for that bizarreness alone it gets two thumbs up. It's ends up being one of those slasher films that flew under the the radar during its theatrical run and got its audience on video. If you see this one lying around on VHS (as there hasn't been an official U.S. DVD release - and there may never be one), grab it and check it out. It's worth looking at once. The VHS claims to be "unrated" but I didn't see anything over the top that I hadn't seen in other films. But overall, the film is great in its own ways and at some points manages to top some of its competitors and counterparts of that time period.

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

In every horror fan's life, there are those select films that give us, to this day, those butterflies deep within. Butterflies like when you first meet that special boy or girl and you're trying to get them to notice you. Then there's that tingly feeling you get all over when he walks into the room. I mean, she. Sorry. There are those films that you end up, without expecting, having an unmistakable love affair with throughout the years and no matter what anyone says about said film, you stand by it as if it were the dreamy captain of the varsity football team. Wait, head cheerleader! Dammit!

This, for me, is that film. I can still remember that winter night in 1984 when I woke up one night with the urge to use the restroom. We had just moved onto a small humble ranch in Texas and we siblings all had to sleep in the same room. I noticed how late it was and I found it strange that the television in the living room was on. I walked in on my father watching a film showing on KGBT and suddenly, the image of a miner's mask came onto the screen. I was terrified, I crouched behind the couch and looked over at the television again and I saw the image of a man in a miner's outfit chasing a girl with a pick axe. Scared out of my mind, I remember quietly sneaking back to my room, getting into bed, and not being able to sleep the rest of the night. The image of the eyes behind that mask was something I never forgot.

Several years later, I was wandering though Weslaco's Valley Mart and browsing - again - through the horror section of the video rentals, I stumbled upon the box for this beloved ditty and my heart stopped out of pure fear at the sight of the miner's mask emblazoned across the front. It was something that had secretly invaded my dreams at night. That mask. That light. Yet I couldn't stop myself from picking the box up and meeting it face to face for the first time. There was something about the picture on the front that was captivating me slowly. There was a charm to the way Paramount was presenting this picture to me and I knew that I would fall victim to it someday. Unfortunately, that wasn't the day. Over the years, I'd see this on and off again at mom and pops and local grocery outlets and I'd always have fights within myself as to rent it or not. For reasons that I, at the time, would understand, I just felt that it would be best to just wait. One day, in 1999, fed up, I walked into the local H-E-B Video Central, picked this up off the shelf, and took it home. I popped it into the VCR and told myself that I had to face my fear and this image that had been haunting me for the past decade. This wasn't like Jason or Freddy, this was different. I turned off the phone, turned off all the lights and locked my front door. I didn't want to be bothered. This was going to be a sort of mind-cleansing for me and I had to be completely alone for it to work. When the film ended and the credits rolled, something wasn't right. I'd expected to be curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the living room, thumb in my mouth, calling out for my mother. I expected this whole thing to backfire in my face and leave me even more traumatized than before. To my own surprise, and without wanting, I had fallen in love with this little Canadian film and just like that, I became it's number one fan. For the next nine months, I rented this film every weekend. There was something about it that pulled me into its gaping jaws. And there was no turning back.

The plot is actually very simple: When several supervisors leave their post to attend the annual Valentine's Day dance, miner Harry Warden and several mining colleagues become trapped underground after an explosion. Being the only survivor, he is placed in a mental institution and escapes, coming back on the one-year anniversary of the accident to the small town of Valentine Bluffs to off some of the locals. Flash forward to the present where the local kids are planning a Valentine's Day Dance on the 20th anniversary of the disaster. When the sheriff of the town receives a box of candy, or what he thinks is a box of candy with an ominous warning, fear of Harry Warden's return fill the air. The news is passed on to the kids and the dance is cancelled. But do the kids listen? Of course not! So here comes Harry to get his revenge! But, look a little bit deeper at this beloved piece of horror history. There's a a lot more going on than you see on the surface.

This is one of those films that has a complete love/hate relationship among horror fans. Some, including yours truly, savor this each time we watch it and hold it close to our hearts. Others pass this off as a holiday-themed Friday The 13th knock-off. And why wouldn't they? I mean, the film clearly states at the beginning that the story takes place on Thursday, February 12th. You do the math. Coincidence? I don't think Paramount did that completely by accident. Some argue that the MPAA's slicing and dicing of the film back before its release hurt the overall potential and punch the film really could have had. And though I agree with that statement at some point, we all have to remember that it wasn't the film maker's fault that 9 minutes of the film had to be cut to avoid the cutthroat "X" rating. But you have to look at the story the film is trying to tell, the sub-plot of the complicated love triangle going on between T.J. (Paul Kelman), Sara (Lori Hallier), and Axel (Neil Affleck). Take a step back and take away the gore, the special effects, and the main villain and you get an honest, all-American (well, Canadian) love story between a grown man, the woman he left behind, and the new beau, who happens to be one of his dearest friends, that has taken his place. There is a frank maturity portrayed in this film between the cast that you don't see at all in slashers from this time period. From the story itself, to the people playing each part, to the reasons why the killer is motivated to terrorize the town. These folks aren't your run-of-the-mill group of horny teenagers at a campsite taking a summer vacation. These are mature, working-class adults who hold pretty blue collar jobs and the women who stand behind them. I think that's one of the things that grabbed me about this film: the honest portrayal of adults in a horror setting. You don't see any of them committing any of the horror cliches that you normally see and it presents itself as a strong, mature piece of film making. Sure, some of the scenes run slow, but they all have their purpose within the story. I think it was wise of director George Mihalka, for example, to have Sara explain her back story regarding T.J. and what pushed her to be with Axel. All of it ties itself together at the end.

The gore in this film is rather tame, but again, blame this one on the MPAA. This is one of those few films that received a massive chopping from the ratings board - along with Friday the 13th part 2 that same year - and its full version intact has been on the "holy grail" lists of horror collectors since the film was released. I've even been on one particular horror site where a guy devotes a huge article to the uncut footage, the "does it exist or not" theory, and his push for Paramount to finally release it altogether. Impressive, seeing that it's 9 minutes of missing footage we all want to see. When Paramount released this DVD for the first time back in 2002, lack of the film's original poster art and the piece of shit sleeve they put together made me totally pass on buying it. And I'm being dead serious. Then, to see absolutely no special features? Give us a break, Paramount! It wasn't until the re-release in 2006 with a new cover bearing the likes of Harry Warden that I finally decided to pick this up, again, sans special features. How hard is it to put the trailer on there for this one? I mean, I can go to YouTube and download it in the snap of a finger. So really, what was the big deal?

Luckily, Lionsgate heard our plea and bought the rights to the original film along with rights to remake it. They've just released a special edition DVD of this with all 9 minutes of lost footage put back in thanks to original producer John Dunning. As of this posting, I haven't picked it up only because I've been sick in bed with the flu. Though, in my opinion, I would have rather seen the proposed sequel, My Bloody Valentine 2: Return of the Miner instead of a remake, which, at the time of this posting, I've already seen it an advance 3D screening. In all fairness, I gave the updated film a chance and though Jensen Ackles makes my butter melt, the film wasn't good enough to say that it trumps the original as the definitive version. Sorry, Lionsgate, I'm just being honest. I am forever grateful, though, that you brought us, after many years of patient waiting, the restored uncut print of the film. I would have really loved to have seen Lionsgate release the original in its restored form as a double-billing with the 3D remake. That would have been something to marvel. So, the hunt for the complete version is film is over. We can all sit back, relax and enjoy this often-overlooked but much-beloved 80's slasher flick and breathe easy.

If you're reading this, you've either seen this several times and/or have this in your collection. I own the original Paramount VHS and the 2006 DVD re-release. I think I've seen this on a Paramount double-bill DVD with April Fool's Day for about $9 and just for this film itself it's worth the price. If you've never seen this, get it and watch it with an open mind. I think you'll find there's more than just an angry miner offing kids on Valentine's Day. One of my all-time top five, and for good reason.

The Last House on the Left (1972)

There was an H-E-B grocery store on old Highway 83 that we used to frequent in Weslaco,Texas back in the late 80's. As all these little places did at the time, they had a small video rental section at the front of the store and it seemed like all of them silently competed to see who had the latest in horror films. Some titles were at specific stores and not others and every store you walked into had it's own little variety of what to offer. I remember picking up the box - which had the alternate art than what you see on the left, the picture of the dead girl lying in the palm of a giant hand with a house lit up behind it - and didn't know what to think of it. I don't remember feeling frightened or uneasy and I found that strange, even back then. I guess it didn't appear to me to be all that interesting. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

Flash forward to the winter of 1997, the Spice Girls were still trying to hold on to the U.S. chart, Good Will Hunting had been a smash in theatres, and my kid brother had taken up the notion to date a girl significantly older than he was. Though I scowled at that idea, I got to know her and we became good friends. Around the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we all decided to go out and rent some movies and hang out and as we looked through the store shelves, my brother pointed this one out to me. I wasn't keen on the idea of taking that one home and reluctantly, I motioned him to go ahead and take it. I mean, I may as well give it a looksie, since at this time, I was still naive of many the horror classics. We got home popped it in the player. One hour and thirty minutes later, my life as a horror fan was changed forever. I was sickened, repulsed, and outright shocked.

I bought this DVD when it was released uncut by MGM in 2002 (or was it 2003?) when I was living in Missouri and showed it to a friend of mine. She, too, was completely appalled. It went back on the shelf and was never heard from again. Last night, this precious piece of horror cinema was playing on Fear Net and my cousin, her husband, and I decided to give it a play. Why not? It was a cold Monday night and we didn't have to be at work the next day. They had never seen it before so I didn't say a word about anything that was about to appear on the screen. When the last bit of the credits disappeared from the screen, I sat there with my eyes closed. I had completely forgotten how powerful this film really is and how in this modern day and age, it still packs a wallop that many of the Hollywood remake trash being churned out recently wish they had. I will expand on that later.

Horror buffs know the premise: Two young girls, Mari and Phyllis are on their way to see their current favorite band, Bloodlust, in concert. While on their way, Phyllis gives the idea of scoring a bit of weed to make the whole night all that much better. They approach a young mentally challenged young man who takes them upstairs into an unknown building that is harboring a group of recently-escaped vigilantes led by horror villain, and fan favorite, Krug (David Hess). The two girls are taken out into the woods and humiliated and tortured on camera in ways never before seen on film. When I first saw this film, I was shocked. I'd never seen anything so brutal before, so unredeeming of itself. The scenes are so realistic in many ways and you have to actually tell yourself that you're watching that was created by someone else. The scene where Phyllis is disemboweled remains one of the most horrific I've ever seen in a film from that period of time. Most people who watch the film now argue about it's potency but always compare it to the films that were produced years after this was first shown. Nothing had ever been shown on the big screen like this back in the early 1970's. It was so controversial and yet groundbreaking at the time and you have to really imagine what it would have been like to sit in a theater in those days and watch the atrocities that were given to you here in a very visceral, full-force way. You actually feel sympathy for the girls - although it was their hunt for grass that got them into the predicament in the first place - and you could actually feel every cut, every drop of blood, every scream, every cry for help.

The filmmakers give the film a sense of doom that you don't find in motion pictures these days. Take for instance the scene where Phyllis appears to have outwitted Krug and his gang and comes up to the road at the end of the woods. Within yourself you feel a sense of relief and you really think the poor girl is going to make it. But when it all comes around and the gang of ghouls mount their violence on her with all they have, there is a sickening sense of dread that you feel within the pit of your stomach. And not many films have ever gotten me to feel that way. The scene where Mari is shot in the lake gives you that same sense of dread, like something or someone could have come to rescue them from an awful demise. But, keeping that in mind, let's move on to Act II.

The gang make their way to a house up the road from where Mari's body was left behind. They meet a husband and wife who, after playing on their sympathies, allow them to stay in their house. Little do they know they are the parents of poor Mari, and soon enough, Mom and Dad put two and two together and figure out just who these people are. The second half of the film is perhaps darker than the first act in many ways, seeing that now Mari's parents have vowed to take revenge. Everything leads up to the parents offing each of their daughter's assailants one by one in really surprising - and horrific - ways. It all comes down to the moral being that you never know what you're capable of in this life unless you're really put to the test. So many people have their opinions about this film and I've spoken with horror fans each with their own perspective on this one. There is a sheer brilliance behind everything seen on the screen if you really think about it. Craven himself knew that he was pushing buttons that people back in that day and age and hitting subject people probably weren't going to swallow very easily. You have to commend the man, though, for showing us real life and risking his own name - and the names of future horror-icons like Sean S. Cunningham and Steve Miner - and staying true to the message in the film.

What did it for me, though, was the brilliance and panache that David Hess brought to the picture. This man didn't play the part of Krug, he was Krug! There has never been a horror villain so brutal, so macabre, so fucking evil as this character and there hasn't been one ever since. This man is amazing in this movie and it makes you wonder how he prepared for the role of horror's most beloved and enduring villain. I've seen him in The House on the Edge of the Park, where he echoes Krug in a thousand and one ways, but this one will remain his magnum opus, the pinnacle of shallow, senseless, over the top brutality and hostility. If you get the MGM DVD, watch his on-camera interview and listen to him how he talks about not being able to go out into the streets for people pointing at him and actually thinking he was the real-life Krug. There was a realism and a frankness to his character and when he evil reaches the point to where he has his own son kill himself on camera, you can't help but love the bastard and loathe him at the same time. Others have tried to mimic the nuances of this character, but nobody has ever come close.

Did I enjoy this film? Absolutely not. Was this a good film? Positively, without a doubt, this is one of the most powerful films ever released. It is one of those films that drains the life out of you and causes you to have a sigh of relief once the end credits roll. It's overwhelming in some areas and it isn't for the faint of heart. Many films in this genre try to pass themselves off as 'the real deal', where in this case, this film can. There is a realism and a truth to it that you can't shy from. It's almost like watching a snuff film. You watch the screen and just can't believe what's going on. This is a true piece of horror history. I honestly feel that if this film hadn't been made and released, horror films as we know them just wouldn't exist. Someone had to push that envelope. Someone had to get the message across that life can be terrifying and horrific and I'm glad that Wes Craven and his pals had the gumption and the audacity to release this. I remember being deeply disturbed by this film when I first saw it. It stayed in my head for weeks and weeks and it was really hard to get it out of my brain. Now, tell me the last horror piece you saw that had that kind of effect on you?

I didn't think so.

Every horror connoisseur should already have this in their collection. The only version I own is the MGM DVD, but I'd really like to find the VHS version with the woman's body in that great big hand. If you haven't seen this, please see it before you go and watch the upcoming remake. Yes, there is going to be a remake. With that said, take a gander at this. You won't be sorry.

"Blow your brains out!"

Ghosthouse (1988)

Happy New Year everyone!

I am so sorry that I haven't posted anything new. I've been out taking some much needed time off and now that I'm back, let's get this thing going full force again! During my brief hiatus, I've been able to add a few morsels of good-'ol cheesy horror to my collection and am excited to share them with you within the coming weeks.

There are films that somehow have slipped under the radar of the avid 80's collector and they sometimes do for many reasons. Either the film didn't well and fell into the realms of obscurity or it was promoted enough to get a proper following. In this case, Ghosthouse, is one of those films. At least, as far as I'm concerned. This was released in 1988, just as the horror boom of that era was slowly coming to a close and I'm still trying to find out as to why I've just heard of this film within the last year or two. The first time I heard of this film was while browsing on the Internet one rainy June back in 2007 and I was researching some other films and through another horror website, I discovered an entry for this film. Drawn solely by the film's title, I clicked onto the page and started to read. Instantly intrigued, I started looking up page after page of Internet information on this little ditty and was surprised to read many of the things I uncovered.

For starters, this film was helmed by none other than Umberto Lenzi. Yes, as in Cannibal Ferox Umerto Lenzi. That was ten points just right there. I read the storyline and the whole background of the film and I knew I had to get my hands on this. But, where? I'd never even heard of this film and had never seen it at any of the mom and pops back in the day nor recently in any of the shops I frequent so I didn't even know where to start. Before resorting to paying for it via mail order, I scrounged all the local shops and surprisingly, no one had ever heard of this film. I did some calling around and chatted with some fellow horror collectors and one day, while on a trek to the Humdinger Toy Show in San Jose, I found a horror collector who not only had heard of this movie, but actually had it in his collection. We talked for a good while about it and I was amazed at his fond recollection of the film. He gave me a little overview of the whole thing, though he was reluctant seeing as how I'd never seen it and I could see the sparkle in his eye as he talked about ever facet of the film, but concentrated on one piece of the puzzle: The killer clown.

Ever since I first sat through Poltergeist at the tender age of nine, I've been deathly afraid of the clown within the horror film element. I passed over Killer Klowns from Outer Space and It for just that sole reason but there was something about the way this guy was talking that had me itching to get home and onto the computer to find this. I'm the avid horror collector preferring my selections to be on VHS, especially if I can find them in their original boxes. It has a lot to do with the nostalgia factor and remembering the days when mom and pop video stores were in their prime. So, I logged on to ebay and started to look around for it. And, I looked for several months for this, losing auction after auction. Well, the ones that would come up, seeing that this is a rare piece to find in it's original Imperial U.S. VHS version. The last bid I lost was for the hefty price of $78 - which was something I wasn't going to fight after. I had already spent those kinds of price tags for films in the past and I really didn't have the wallet to do that again anymore. So, I gave up. But, when I returned to the same Humdinger Toy Show a year later and ran into the guy I'd met before, he asked if I'd been able to come across the film. Sulking, I had to tell him my plight to get this on VHS. For one thing, he laughed and told me to get the idea out of my mind that I was going to find it laying around at the local Hollywood Video. This is a real collector's item, Leonel, he said to me. You're going to have resort to something a little more gung ho. Long story short, have me the web address of a private horror collector, a deal was made and two weeks later, I had a DVD-R of the film in my hands. It was just that easy.

Sidebar: Just before Christmas, I wandered into the local Fresno Best Buy and came across Witchery, starring Linda Blair and David Hasslehoff which is better known as Ghosthouse 2. I decided to wait until viewing the first one before proceeding. More on that later.

Excited as a virgin on prom night, I sat my cousin down and we popped this thing into the DVD player. The first thing I immediately noticed was the beautiful transfer. I couldn't tell you if it was a direct-from-VHS or DVD but it was clear and crisp and magnificent. The sound was just as great. Now, onto the film itself:

The film deals with a ham radio enthusiast Paul, played by eye-candy Gregg Scott who one day hears a mysterious transmission come over his radio of some people screaming as if they were meeting their demises. He and his girlfriend follow the signal to a remote house in the woods where several squatters have taken up residence. The house hold a secret: A little girl whose father enclosed her in the basement below for an incident of killing the family cat with a knife (!) is left to die along with her father and mother who are killed by an unseen force by axe and knife, respectively. The murder is never solved and the house remains haunted to this day. But the kids don't know that yet. Shhh!

When two of them recognize the eerie voices from the radio transmission as their own, the group of them suddenly become terrorized by the apparition of the dead little girl and her um...friend. Her friend is a really spooky kid-sized clown doll that will give anyone who'd ever been afraid of the jester in the original Poltergeist film a run for their money. And I'm not joking either. So the group of teens plays a game of who-done-it while trying to figure out what's killing them off one by one. While this sounds like a great reason to spend the night inside, this film, ladies and gentlemen, I must warn you, makes absolutely no sense. There are plot holes everywhere and the film stands as more of a paradox of itself. In some spots it's so good that you're on the edge of your seat and in other's you're reaching for the remote to turn the bloody thing off. There are a few genuinely spooky parts but for every scene that makes you jump out of your seat and scream, there are two or three that will have you asking who the hell green-lit this cattle drive? But, that's the irony of whole thing: Somehow, it works. And it manages to keep you creeped out, spooked and laughing all at the same time. The "song" that's played when the killer is about to make his presence known will remain in your head for days. It's overtly diabolical in all it's own right and you'll want to turn the volume down every time it comes on just to keep the hairs on the back of your head from standing at attention.

The direction by Ferox maestro Lenzi - who uses a crock American pseudonym for this Boston-filmed-but-Italian-produced scare fest - is actually quite good and the gore scenes are not bad to watch a few times. The whole guillotine scene was completely unexpected and I thought it to be one of the highlights of the film. I will be honest and admit that there were a few times where I screamed out loud - and rather loudly - during the appearance of the clown doll. Especially during the scene where Paul's girlfriend stumbles upon the little girl's bedroom and is attacked by the birthday decorations and ultimately, Mr. Clown himself. But the scene where I couldn't help but close my eyes and mutter oh shit in a low murmur has to be the scene where the girl is inside the RV and the television turns on by itself and the program du jour is of the little girl and her clown. Scary! There is a lot more plot to the story, surrounding the groundskeeper of the house and his connection to local funeral parlor where Paul visits and has a crack at one of the dead people who is being prepped. The mortician is quick to make note that the woman being prepped had been stuck by a bus and that it wasn't polite to laugh at the dead.

The secret is then known as to how to free the house from the spirit of the dead little girl and in one whoosh of a match and a can of gas, the evil force is broken and those who remain are allowed to leave the house and lead happy, normal lives. The best scene of the film for me though was it's unexpected ending where Paul's girlfriend is waiting for him on the sidewalk of downtown Boston after they've come home and allowed themselves to move on from the horrible events at the house. It's like a Mentos commercial: She sees him across the street and throws him a pearly white smile. He returns the smila and waves back to her. Just as he begins to cross the street, she turns around to take a glimpse in the shop window and to her horror she sees the clown doll she thought they'd been freed of. She screams and turns around and just as Paul makes it to where she is, the evil song comes on again and a bus comes out of nowhere and slam! The closing shot is a freeze frame of poor Martha, hands over her mouth, screaming in horror as she's just witnessed the demise of her boyfriend. Just like that, the film ends, unhappy ending, with no resolution. I love films that take this turn instead of the long denouement and closing. Only a few number of films in my recollection have this type of ending: I Spit On Your Grave and Pieces come to mind first. It leaves you with that last closing shot in your mind, left to wander around for hours and hours once the closing credits end. Just brilliant.

This ended up being a great film. After all I'd read about it and the devout following that it still has, I'll be honest and say that I did expect a lot more, but what I got was fantastic on it's own. It's a great piece of film work that stands out above some of the more-known horror fodder and gives you many chills and scares that you don't expect. And let me tell you, the image of that bloody clown is going to stay in your head for days. I'm sure you'll be thinking of the picture at the top of this posting and thinking oh, you bastard. Get your hands on this if you can find it. If you really want to know where I got it from, send me a message and I'll be more than happy to refer you to the collector site where I got it from.

Enjoy, and happy new year!